Snacks on Snacks on Snacks: Kale Chips

Sundays are a sort of non-day. If you come to my house on a Sunday, the odds that I am, you know, dressed-dressed are low, and the odds that I’m going to make you anything fancy at all are approaching zero. I will, however, have the most amazing snack spread out. This week, I bring you kale chips. Despite what Julieanne says about kale, your husband will not leave you and you will not shrivel up into a pile of dried leaves if you try out these chips (I’m serious. Girl HATES kale.).

Behold: The Snack Gods have deemed you worthy of TWO flavors, sesame and garlic.

Kids, this could not be easier, and they are way tastier and cheaper than the bag kind, and you won’t have to feel embarrassed about getting deliveries from They also have a lot of sodium to keep them shelf stable, but maybe you don’t care about that and just want to eat a lot of kale chips without anyone finding out.

Get yourself one of those big bags at the grocery and salad spin it/rinse it in your colander. If you have a CSA membership or whatever, then you have the additional step of needing to chop all that up, but otherwise, you’re good. Pat it dry and poke it into a gallon ziplock bag (or if you’re my friend Antonio and you’re “morally opposed to the single-use plastics industry”, I guess this could work in something more reusable). While you’re doing this, preheat your oven to 300.

Put a tablespoon of olive oil in the bag. What you do next is up to you. I made one bag with soy sauce and sesame seeds (2 tablespoons of each) and the other with five cloves of diced garlic, but it would be awesome to do it with lime zest and chili paste or lemon juice, salt, and pepper. Do what feels right, then zip up the bag and shake the hell out of it.

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This looks like a lot, but it isn’t. Use tons of bags and make a lot. I wish I had had the foresight to do this.

You’re almost there. Open your bag and press out the leftover air in there, then close it up again and kind of massage your kale so the stems get the good flavas, too. This is best done while someone else is in the kitchen, so you can be all, “I’m masssaaaaaaggggginnnnng the kallllleeeee.” Everyone feels weird about you then, which is great because it means they’ll leave your kale chips alone.

Now, take it out of the bag and arrange it in a single layer on a jelly roll pan (you know, a cookie sheet with a lip). Some of you antsy types may want to grease the pan, and that’s fine and all, but you do not need to at all.

Put that massaged kale goodness in the oven, and bake it for 30 minutes. If you’re using a toaster oven, this may go faster. Open the oven periodically and shift everything around so it all gets very crispy. Note that there’s gonna be a lot of steam when you open up the oven (something my glasses and I did not note).

You’re done! It’s over! Eat them before anyone else notices they’re ready and tries to “share.”

6 Replies to “Snacks on Snacks on Snacks: Kale Chips”

  1. i also hate using plastic unless i absolutely have to, to carry on with my life, so i just mix my kale bits in a big bowl with seasonings by hand. but i’ll have to try soy sauce and sesame seeds next time! thanks fancy lady

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