Between approximately 8:45 p.m. EST and 11:15 p.m. EST, do not call me. I need to watch Ken Cosgrove do this:


And also watch Eric Northman do whatever, really. I would watch Alexander Skarsgard clean gutters.


If you’re on fire, call the fire department. They may be reached at 9-1-1.

If you eat poisonous mushrooms, this is the poison control number.

If you experience natural disaster, I am the last person on earth you want to call.

I think I’ve covered all your needs from now until 11:30.

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