I don’t have internet in my house and so I’m working at this lovely bakery for the day. Unfortunately, the couple next to me is talking about how date rape “isn’t a real thing” and that the current situation in Gaza could be neutralized with by flying in some bacon. Imagine I typed this very, very loudly.
- “Hacks” are smug, but I tried a couple of these productivity ones this week and they were kinda great. Have you done these?
- What is the difference between gelato and ice cream? The definitive answer, via Max Falkowitz.
- Everyone thinks the Victorians were so buttoned up, but lo and behold: THE CANNIBAL CLUB.
- In the last year or so, I’ve gotten TONS of listings for Alibaba.com products, and I didn’t really know what it was. Now I do, and you can too!
- Faulkner v. Hemingway: A Grudge for the Ages
- A guide to sampling in music through the ages.
- Just when you thought the GOP couldn’t get any crazier, here’s someone who claims his primary opponent can’t serve because uh, he has been replaced by a body double.
- Oh, law, I hope to grow into someone this colorful, zany, appealing, and opinionated about shellfish serving.
- I had forgotten about Phineas Gage, and his story never gets old. A fresh treatment from Slate.
I’m out yonder, celebrating America’s birthday, but I got you these things to read over in my absence.
- Remarkably practical guide to stopping a wedding, both in advance, and The Graduate style.
- Wikipedia bios for every fake president of the United States of American, anyone?
- Finally, an answer to the eternal question: How on earth do professional basketball players miss free throws?
- Never not going to repost a Dolly Parton paean. She has been my patron saint since I was three and told my mom I wanted makeup and a microphone for Christmas so I could “be like Miss Dolly.”
- This is how color names came to be.
- What’s in Prince’s fridge?
- Finally: A Buzzfeed listicle that speaks directly to my latent xenophobia. Just in time for all the patriotic holidays of summer!
- Vintage pesticide paraphernalia reminds me of being a kid in Texas and screaming, “BUG DOPE!” to my friends so we could run inside when they trucks came to DDT the street.
- I’m terrible at Twitter, and my consistent “worse than guessing” record on this quiz proves that once and for all.
- This guy I dated in college tried to kiss me after winning a cherry pie eating contest (not a euphemism), and I wanted to die, so Neslie, girl, I feel you.
You know what the best part of a three-day weekend is? A four day work week comes along with that. Enjoy your day.
- I could lose hours looking at this scientific flavor map.
- Andrew Bird talks about the puzzle of writing a love song in the New York Times!
- Consider the abandoned art museum.
- Buying wine based on the (back) label.
- A modern dictionary of linguistic signifiers, modeled on Flaubert’s (I swear, this is actually funny).
- E.B. White and James Thurber: hilarious, a little smutty, and complete with line drawings.
- This will probably disappear from the internet very shortly, so watch it ASAP.
- I did not know that Ed Hardy is a serious and academic artist, and I am sad about how sad he is about his big mistake.
- I could not be more bored with the Miley Cyrus “controversy” but I don’t want to be like “meanwhile, in Syria” or “Trayvon Martin” about it, so here are some actual strippers critiquing her VMA performance.
- Ladies and gentlemen, the only Marvin Gaye-related thing you will ever, ever want to hear ever again.
Here are some things to read so that you’ll have something insightful and meaningful to take to brunch.
Well, friends, I got you these. Enjoy a quiet day.
- I don’t know that I would call them the “first couple of American letters,” but I really like this profile.
- Leading men age, but leading ladies don’t. Unless they win an Oscar. Then they age a little.
- Did you see Waitress? I loved it. I love this blog, too!
- As I embark on this new job, I plan to escape the cult of busy, as they say. Newsflash: I’m not important.
- Oh, my god, do I ever love Stevie. Never change, you doll.
- My internet friend, Snowden, wrote this about Barry Hannah, a Mississippian and great writer that I think of often and hope is resting well.
- For when you get your windfall inheritance and need to establish an offshore tax haven.
- They changed the pimento cheese at the Masters’ and people were really bad, but no worries: Wright Thompson is ON IT.
- E. L. Konigsburg was one of my favorite writers as a little girl, and she passed this week. I loved this piece about the Met, imagination, and her.
- Soy Bomb strikes again.
- To quote Mara Wilson, this is like the Social Network for NPR.
- Where can you pick an apple for free and eat it? This map tells you.
Happy Easter, if you’re doing that today. Happy Day-Before-Half-Priced-Chocolates if you aren’t. Enjoy these either way.
- Do I need a $200 padded bra dryer? Maybe.
- The Culture Kitchen didn’t make it, but as Good points out, this would be easily reproduced in many, many places. Let’s do it, shall we?
- Foppish boys, ignore the mean comments! 2013 is the Year of the Well-Dressed Man!
- Again from the New York Times blog, but this time about antiquarian books in Canada.
- I am not going to complain in April. Join me! I’m serious.
- I have a low-grade permacrush on Rob Lowe and a serious-business hatred of the word “literally” so I don’t know what to do with this.
- Hello, youth of France? Are you okay? I’m worried.
- Oh, I just…I…yes. This. Trip Advisor, you’re on notice, I guess.
- Mississippi, my former home, is like a trashy cousin. I can make fun of her, but if you do, I will gut you like a fish. Leave me alone, The Onion.
- Short and excellent fiction. FO FREE FIFTY.
- This sums up most of my unreasonable fears pretty nicely.
Read away, babies.